A couple days ago, I announced our visit home (this summer) and gave the approximate timing of our permanent return home (next summer). Today, I’ll share my anxiety and fear about returning home. Honestly, I don’t want to go home. Not this summer and not ever. Its not that I hate home or miss hanging out with our families and friends; I really like home and it was sad to leave all the good stuff behind when we left. But there’s two things that make me not want to go home.

One: I love travel. In our conversations with other travelers, it seems like most people fall into one of three categories. Some people do not like to travel. Personally, I cannot understand that attitude and try not to judge them for it. Some people like to travel and enjoy various aspects of it, but aren’t in love with it. Even if traveling long-term, they long to return home as they miss the people and different aspects of “home.” I’d say most travelers fall into this category, including Joylani. Then there’s the people like me, who I can really identify with. They love and live to travel. When they’re not traveling, they’re working to save for a trip and thinking about foreign (most inclusive definition) places constantly and their minds are always dreaming up destinations, trips, and journeys. They don’t prioritize the places they want to visit too much, because they’ll go anywhere and everywhere. The Americas, Africa, Europe, Asia, Oz/NZ, they all sound good and we’ll visit any of them because everywhere has something to see, something to experience, something to learn. Home to them, home to me, is not new. Its old. Its not foreign, its familiar. Its not different and learning takes more than simple observation. I don’t want to go home, not because I dislike it, but because its home.

Two: Whether you like home or not, its going to be a bit of shock after a trip like this. The other day, Joylani and I were talking about our itinerary and what places to see. And it occurred to us that even if we go home today, we’ve seen a ton. I cannot list out the awesome things we’ve seen and memories created. Thinking back of all we’ve seen and done blows me away. Browsing through our photos of the trip so far is unbelievable. I remember telling my siblings in Turkey that I felt like Ferris in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, especially when he shares his sediments with Cameron: “We’ve seen everything!” That was after only one month of travel. Now, after eight months, that feeling of “We’ve seen everything” is even stronger (to be taken as hyperbole, not literally as we’ve only seen a small fraction of the world, which in itself seems mind-blowing to me). Click here and see why it’ll be difficult to return home. Once or twice a week for the past eight months, we’ve seen or done something amazing. We’ve been on a tour of the world’s highlights- how can I go from seeing and experiencing the extraordinary every few days to the routine of home? I’m a little slow, but it just dawned on me that this is the best time I’ve ever had in my life. I fear that its going to be difficult to go through the monotony of home life, because I’ll always be wishing I was back in 2007-2009, living the best years of my life. I know that’s a pessimistic outlook for the rest of my life and neglects the possibility that there’s greater things out there for me, but this is just how I’m feeling now.

I don’t want this trip to end and I fear all that accompanies returning home. If anything can be gained from this though, it is: the knowledge that our time is limited will help me to value, appreciate, and be thankful for every moment of this adventure.